You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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