There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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