my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
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