i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Are my feet made of real feet?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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