Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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