Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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