i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
