if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
this hospital has no fireball
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