Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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