I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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