So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
