he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
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