All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
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I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
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The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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