last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
