he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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