Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Randomize
