Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
