I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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