My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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