Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
