My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
