shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
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