he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
