I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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