My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
