Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
