I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
How naked do you want me to be?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
