and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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