it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
did i walk over a car last night?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
