A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
