I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
