Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
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You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
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