And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
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He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
