We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
