my vag is so smooth its legendary
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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