I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I just want nice things and good sex
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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