Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
