I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
