I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize