right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
