We're facebook friends in real life
I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
