My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
