You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
