i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I showed him my bush... on skype.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
