is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
