I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
