bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
