He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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