either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
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