and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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