I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
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