Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
