Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
