I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
