the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
