Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
You can't just leave with hair like that
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
