jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
