I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
