He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
