anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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