she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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