u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
He kissed a someone with a penis
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
you mean i was at the winter classic?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
