the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
