I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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