Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
