onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
