This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
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I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
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After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
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