We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
