there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
