I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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